Communication and staying positive

Your kids are just like you. Your best present to them is to love them no matter what, to respect them as individuals and to praise them all you can. Sounds simple – but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Parents just like you and experts have all helped to put together these strategies that both you and your kids can use to help you communicate and make the most out of spending time together.

How can I help my tot to talk?

Non-verbal: shhhh, don’t say it

  • Let your tot see your face and come down to their level when you speak so they can see what you’re talking about by following where you look.
  • And even when you do speak, think about how you say things – toddlers have short memories, so keep what you say short and simple. Remember to speak slowly and clearly. Make your voice slightly higher in order to attract your child’s attention.
  • What you think matters! Try not to see one child as ‘good’ and the other one as ‘naughty’. Each one is different, so aim to treat them equally, but differently.
  • You feel like you’re nagging and don’t want to – it may take some time to change their behaviour, but persevere with giving praise and you will succeed.

Verbal: how to make small talk do big things

  • You know conversation involves taking turns. Simple question and answer conversations as well as games like Peek-a-boo will help your tot get the idea.
  • Don’t worry if they make mistakes. Words like ‘sheeps’ and ‘goed’ are signs that they’re applying rules of language. Simply repeat back the correct form.
  • Show your little one you understand what they are trying to convey by expanding on what they say, for instance asking them about what they are making and what could happen next in a game.
  • Help your child become emotionally aware by noticing and naming their feelings.
  • Turn a blind eye to mispronunciation, but use the correct pronunciation yourself

How can I help my tot to talk?

Your toddler learning to talk changes everything. From that magic first word to a full conversation you can help your toddler communicate with the world. Here are a few tips to support your toddler’s talking skills.

Around 12 to 18 months — talk, act, do

  • Keep on talking. Experts say that toddlers need to hear a word repeated around 500 times before they use it.
  • Act it out. Help your tot to make connections between actions and words by talking them through what you are doing. For example, ‘Let’s put your coat on to go out now. First one arm in the sleeve. Now the other arm’.
  • Baby talk is okay. At first your little one won’t pronounce words properly. They might say ‘Do’ for dog, ‘Gurkey’ for turkey or ‘Dat’ for that. You don’t always need to correct them. They’ll begin to say things ‘properly’ in their own good time.
  • Help them add to their vocabulary with new experiences – a trip on a bus or train, a visit to a city farm. Talk to them about what you’ve seen and done.
  • Help convey what they say to other people. If others can’t understand what your child is saying, help them out so they gain confidence in talking and that what they say is understood.

Around 19 to 24 months — routine chatter, feelings, conversations

  • Talk about what is happening as you go about everyday activities. ‘We’re putting the toys in the toy box. Pass me the blocks, Tom. Help me put them in the box.’
  • Help them to learn to identify and name their feelings. For example, ‘You’re happy to see Grandad,’ ‘You’re angry because it’s time to stop playing now’.
  • Use questions and answers to help them realise that communication goes two ways. For example, if something happens ask them why. ‘Why is the cat meowing?’ or if you’re looking at a book together ask them what they think is happening in
  • the pictures.

Around 25 to 36 months — imagine, learn words, use language together

  • Use every opportunity you can to talk to them and encourage their growing vocabulary.
  • Join in their make-believe play, ask them what they doing, where they are going, where they live. Let their imagination show you what they’re doing.
  • When looking at a book or TV together encourage them to tell you what’s happening and explain why they think things happen.
  • Encourage them to help you and put names to things. Teach them that different activities have different words, for example in cooking the words are chop, mix, beat, scrape, hot.
  • Use a variety of words and encourage them to use words to describe things – the red ball, the big building, the soft blanket.
  • Enjoy stories, nursery rhymes and songs together.

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Everyday Routines - Communication

True or False

Here are some myths about how quickly they learn.

  • Boys are generally slower than girls – False!
  • Second kids are slower than first – False!
  • Kids exposed to more than one language at home are slower – False!
  • If they’re not learning, they’re lazy – False!

Reward the behaviour if you want it repeated

Teach your kids the best way to get your attention is to behave well. Praise and attention work far better than criticism or punishment, so show that you’re pleased when your child does something you appreciate. Your toddler will learn that they get attention either when they misbehave or when they help you – which would you prefer them to do?

  • You notice they tidied away their toys without being asked, so tell them ‘I’m really pleased that you tidied away your toys. Now the room is nice and tidy and we’ve got more time for your story.’
  • Let them hear you saying good things about them to other people.

Result: your tot will associate their actions with getting your attention and being proud of them.

Old hand

You might find, as experienced mums tell us, that it’s helpful to put your child’s feelings into words before they have the ability to explain things for themselves.

New hand

You ignore an unwanted behaviour and it gets worse. Good sign! Your child wants your attention, so stick to your plan. There’s not always a right or wrong way of doing things but all toddlers need boundaries to make them feel safe and secure.